Unmasking Your Authentic Self: A Guide to Inner Alignment

Your authentic self is the core of who you are, your unique essence, unfiltered by external expectations or societal pressures.

It’s the part of you that feels most alive, aligned, and in integrity with your values, passions, and deepest desires. It’s your true nature, genuine self-expression, and the source of your inner wisdom and creativity.

Here are some key aspects of showing up as your authentic self:

• Genuine: It’s not a facade or a performance. It’s who you are at your core.
• Spontaneous: It arises naturally, without force or pretense.
• Congruent: Your thoughts, feelings, and actions are in harmony.
• Intuitive: You trust your gut feelings and inner knowing.
• Vulnerable: You’re willing to be seen and known, even with your imperfections.
• Self-accepting: You embrace your flaws and strengths equally.
• Purposeful: You have a sense of meaning and direction in life.
• Connected: You feel a sense of belonging and oneness with others and the world.

When you live embracing your authentic self, you feel more joy, peace, and fulfillment. You can express your unique gifts and talents in a way that benefits both yourself and others.

False Self

When someone is operating from their false self, they may exhibit several distinct characteristics:

Appearance and Behavior:

• Conformity: They prioritize fitting in and meeting external expectations, even if it means sacrificing their own desires and values.
• People-pleasing: They go out of their way to gain approval and avoid conflict, often at the expense of their own well-being.
• Insecurity: They seek validation from others and constantly need to prove their worth.
• Perfectionism: They strive for flawlessness and fear making mistakes, leading to stress and burnout.
• Mask-wearing: They hide their true feelings and thoughts behind a carefully constructed persona.
• Superficiality: They focus on external appearances and material possessions, neglecting their inner world.

Inner Experience:

• Disconnection: They feel disconnected from their true self, leading to a sense of emptiness and dissatisfaction.
• Lack of authenticity: They struggle to express their genuine emotions and opinions, often feeling like they’re “faking it.”
• Low self-esteem: They criticize themselves and focus on their perceived flaws and shortcomings.
• Inner conflict: They experience a constant internal battle between their true desires and the expectations of others.
• Fear of judgment: They worry about what others think and are afraid to be themselves.
• Emotional numbness: They suppress their emotions and avoid facing their pain.

Consequences:

• Unfulfilling relationships: They attract shallow connections based on pretense rather than genuine connection. This can also show up with not being your authentic self at work.
• Lack of purpose: They struggle to find meaning and direction in life, feeling lost and adrift.
• Anxiety and depression: The constant pressure to maintain a false self can lead to mental health issues.
• Physical ailments: Stress and emotional suppression can manifest as physical symptoms like headaches, fatigue, and digestive problems.

By recognizing these signs of the false self, you can begin to make conscious choices to break free from its grip and embrace your authentic self. This journey involves self-reflection, healing, and a commitment to living a life aligned with your true values and passions.

Where are you on the spectrum between the Authentic Self and False Self?

I’m more authentic today than I ever have been. That being said, I’m turning 50 years old this year, and I still think I have quite a way to go. Better late than never! Gosh, considering the traits of a false self, I hate to admit it but I was very false, Had I known I had a choice, things would have been different.

My current take on life is that we’re born with a load of baggage from our ancestors and parents. We then try our best to fit into our tribe, sacrificing who we are. The years take a toll on us. We become filled with more baggage, stress, and anxiety, and one day, we wake up and ask ourselves, who am I, why am I so lost, and what do I really want?

For years I search for the Truth. I read self-help books, took courses, meditated and asked the spirit world, what is the meaning to life. What is the TRUTH to why we’re here. Interestingly, I discovered that there is no Truth with a captial T. There is no all encompassing answer for everyone.

There is, however, an individual truth for each of us. Our truth is our authentic self.

Like a snowflake I’m not like anywone else and I’m not supposed to be. My life purpose is to drop the baggage, realized that stress is the result of being my false self, and uncover what makes my heart sing.

For as long as I can remember, I felt that I was supposed to have a purpose. I was supposed to somehow make the world better – perhaps by offering wisdom, being a coach, or channeling some mystical secrets.

In reality, what makes my heart sing is to play with my websites. I love to write, find new plugins, break the code, test out software, try a new website system, play with AI, and sit in a quiet room creating content. I love to mess around on my computer. And it’s great to achieve an income from playing around.

I also love diversity. I like to walk every morning listining to podcasts and saying hi to the trees. Throughout the day, I like to break down my strength training into exercises I do on my way to the bathroom. Who says I need to spend 30 minutes continously working out?! Five minutes every few hours works for me.

My truth is what works for me.

But how do we become more and more authentic? I’ve listed the things I’ve been working on over the past several years that have brought me more in touch with myself.

The important thing to realize is that your authentic self is always there, waiting to be discovered. It’s the core of who you are, your unique essence, and it holds the key to a more fulfilling, joyful life.

Let’s explore some powerful ways to peel back the layers and align with your true self:

1. Gratitude: The Gateway to Appreciation

Gratitude is a mindset shift that helps you appreciate the good in your life, even the small things. When you practice gratitude, you focus on abundance rather than lack, opening yourself up to the beauty of the present moment. This positive outlook allows your authentic self to shine through.

The key here is practice! I’ve been creating systems or reminders to ensure that I practice gratitude. To increase my levels of gratitude every morning, I add a few things to my gratitude journal. Within my normal journal, I create a page and title it at the top of the page with, ‘I gratefully welcome all positive experiences and outcomes in my life, including:’. Then, I list things that I genuinely am grateful for. I also list things that I will be grateful for when they happen.

Here are my last few entries: I gratefully welcome all positive experiences and outcomes in my life, including…

• All my passion income – I follow my intuition, create/take action, and then watch income come into my bank account every day. I love it. And I’m grateful to myself for realizing it’s my awesome energy creating it.
• My cozy, white, soft, fresh sheets, pillow, and mattress. I sleep like a baby!
• Having a wonderful date night with my husband. How can life get any better than this?

That’s just one of my practices. I have others. When I started out, it was difficult to feel gratitude, but like any muscle, the more you exercise it, the stronger it gets. And if you’re thinking about being grateful, you’re not thinking of false self-crap. Interestingly, the things you’re grateful for also give you a clue as to what your core essentials are – your values, passions, and strengths.

So, gratitude helps you discover what you appreciate and want more of in your life. In other words, it’s a key to finding your truth or authentic self. If a gratitude practice resonates with you, check out my Gratitude Journal Workbook!

2. Core Essentials: Passion, Values, Strengths

Your passions, values, and strengths are the pillars of your authentic self. They light you up, guide your decisions, and make you feel alive. Take some time to reflect on what truly matters to you. What are you passionate about? What values drive your actions? What are your unique strengths? When you align your life with these core essentials, you create a solid foundation for authenticity.

I’m in the process of writing a workbook about finding your authentic self, and this is my starting module. It took me months to figure out my values, passions, and strengths. I had no clue. I knew what I thought I valued! But what did Kim really value? To start gathering information on what I enjoyed in my life, I created a list in my journal called, ‘What I love to Do…’ Every day, I’d think about the things that made my heart sing and write them down.

My passions were probably the easiest to uncover. My values took a while. We often say we value something because it’s the done thing to do. In another article, I wrote about how I thought a value of mine was stability. NOPE. It’s not that I’m not stable. I’m not a person that likes sameness. I like travel, adventure, and spontaneity. I’m not a person who holds a job for long or stays in one place (therefore, I’ve owned my own business for the past twenty years). My tribe told me all my life that I had to settle down, grow roots, etc. NO. No, I don’t. That’s not me.

Anyway, sign up for my newsletter to receive notifications about my Authentic Self workbook. I’ve been collecting various ways to help people uncover their core essentials.

3. Self-Love: Embrace Your Imperfections

Self-love is not about vanity or narcissism. It’s about accepting yourself unconditionally, flaws and all. When you practice self-love, you treat yourself with kindness and compassion. You silence your inner critic and embrace your imperfections as part of your unique beauty. This acceptance creates a safe space for your authentic self to emerge.

I never realized that there was a relationship between the thinking/feeling me and another part of me. In my head, I talk to myself. So, there is a talking me and another me listening. I’m sure that there are some psychological terms for this, but for argument’s sake, we all talk to ourselves.

Actually, I’m not sure if talk is the right word. I would berate myself and tell myself how I messed up. I’d go on about how I’m not good enough, I suck, why would anyone want to be around me, etc.

After becoming more aware of my conversations (becoming more consciously aware), I realized that if I’m going to have a relationship with myself, it would be better if I actually learned to love myself.

The one major thing that helped me massively on this front was the To Be Magnetic community. They offer a systematic approach to finding your authentic self, clearing blocks, taking aligned action, and ultimately learning to love yourself, life, and everyone around you. I cannot recommend this community more. Check them out: To Be Magnetic. If you use KIM1169, you’ll get a 15% discount!

4. Connection to Source: Find Your Center

Whatever your spiritual beliefs, connecting to something larger than yourself can be a powerful way to align with your authentic self; this connection can be through meditation, prayer, nature, or any practice that helps you tap into a sense of oneness and inner peace. When you feel grounded in something greater, your authentic self naturally rises to the surface.

I was baptized Catholic, confirmed Protestant, declared myself non-denominational in Young Life in high school, and took the philosophy of religion at University. My take on religion and God is unique to me. I still call myself a Christian because that’s all I know. However, God is more of an energy to me. Finding a connection to something higher – a trust, a knowing – is such a big part of the game for me. I believe in a higher self, angels, ancestors, spirits, and guides. Heck – the more help I can get, the better!

Meditation provides me with a connection to my source. So does a beautiful sunset or a genuine talk with a friend. I get out of my head and feel my heart fill with love, and that’s how I know I’m connected to something bigger. I suppose it’s like anything else – a practice. When I start feeling confused or frustrated, I now tell myself, ‘Kim – get out of your freaking head!’ I then feel my heart and that’s that.

(Side note: Of course, I have days when I’m not doing so well and totally forget the source exists!)

5. Boundaries: Protect Your Energy

Setting boundaries is essential for protecting your energy and maintaining your authenticity. It means saying “no” to things that don’t align with your values or drain your resources. When you establish healthy boundaries, you create space for your authentic self to thrive.

This boundary thing is very new to me. Check out my article Setting Personal Boundaries: #1 Best Route to Self-Love and Authenticity

To set boundaries, you need to have self-love. You also need to know your values. I never had boundaries because I never knew that my needs mattered. I’m very much a go-with-the-flow kind of person. I never stopped to think about what I wanted – I didn’t know I could! Also, I will push myself to face any fear, even if it’s facing something that won’t help me in the slightest! Once you start to love yourself more and more, you start to think, ‘No – I don’t want to do that!’

6. Unblocking: Inner Child and Shadow Work

Our past experiences, especially childhood wounds, can create blocks that prevent us from fully expressing our authentic selves. Inner child work and shadow work are therapeutic processes that help you heal these wounds and integrate the hidden parts of yourself. By facing your fears and embracing your shadow, you reclaim your authenticity.

My best recommendation on this is, once again, the To Be Magnetic program. They offer several meditations on a wide range of topics. Each meditation is designed to calm your nervous system, get you to feel rather than think, and juggle the energy inside you.

Some days, I don’t feel or see much during the meditations. On other days, I see all sorts of visuals and feel energy moving inside me. Most importantly, I clear issues that I’ve had for years.

I recently did an Inner Child mediation to share one experience I had with you. I wanted to work on this block so my needs don’t matter. This is the third or fourth time I’ve worked on this block, and this comes straight from my journal:

‘Wow, I saw little Kim at the age of 4, 8, 10, 14, and 18. I told all the little Kim’s that it’s a game they’re playing. That they’re totally lovable and worth and amazing. That they always were and always will be. I told them all that we all now know the secret. It’s not to be enlightened or perfect. It’s to simply realize that we’re creating the game. And we can choose how we want the game to go. We’re in charge. We are love, and we are lovable. The concept that we ever questioned whether our needs mattered now seems ridiculous. Yes, our needs matter. It’s the only thing that does matter! Lead by example. I have as much love for myself as it pours out to everyone around me. I saw the Kim’s all come together in a pow-wow hug and swirl into the colors of yellow and red, sort of like lava. We all came together in love with smiles and happiness. We are on a fractal of life. I feel energy coursing through me. I also feel a paradox that I can’t explain.’

The result? I’m not fully sure yet. When I finished the meditation, I felt heavier yet more integrated. Looking back, I think it’s weird that I thought my needs didn’t matter. Did I really think that? It no longer makes sense to me.

From an outside-reality perspective, life is flowing easier. I feel more grounded and happier in myself. A sadness is gone. I’m excited about life!

7. Personal Truth: Speak Your Heart

Your personal truth is your authentic voice. It’s the expression of your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs honestly and openly. When you speak your truth, you align with your authentic self. This doesn’t mean being unkind or disrespectful, but it does mean being true to yourself.

More often than not, when I’m speaking with people I actually feel my heart. I check in and FEEL. That’s something foreign to me. I was always in my head and I knew it didn’t feel right but I didn’t know there was an alternative.

8. Intuition: Trust Your Gut

Intuition is your inner wisdom, your gut feeling. It’s a powerful guide that can lead you toward your authentic self. When you learn to trust your intuition, you make decisions aligned with your true desires and values.

This is where I’m at right now. I’ve made intuition one of my values. Every day I look at my core essence, or my values, passions and strengths. Number 2 under my values is ‘Intuition – connecting to source. Ask and listen.’

I have yet to ‘gamify’ or track my intution progress! With gratititude or strength training I have systems to get me to practice it. I am becoming more consciously aware (next topic) which enables me to take a break between one task to the next. When I’m concious I am more apt to stop and list to my heart.

From time to time, I definitely get a feeling that I need to call someone or do something. Intuition seems to come so fast and leave just as quickly. The key is to sense it and not push it in the background! If you have any suggestions or resources, please leave them in the comments below.

9. Conscious Awareness: Be Present

Conscious awareness means being fully present in the moment without judgment. It’s about paying attention to your thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations. When you practice conscious awareness, you become more attuned to your authentic self.

Be in the NOW! If you haven’t read Eckert Tolle’s book, the Power of Now, that’s a good one. The way that I become present is to ask myself, what do I see, what do I smell, what do I hear? I also feel my body. If my back is tight, I feel it and see if I can relax it. When I walk, I feel my feet in my shoes. When you’re concentrating on feeling your body, you’re more aware…and you shut off the chatter in your head. It’s quite relaxing!

10. Aligned Action: Walk Your Talk

Your actions reflect your authentic self. When your actions align with your values and beliefs, you feel a sense of integrity and wholeness.

The only way to have aligned action is to know who you’re aligning to. Aligned action feels right – it might be scary, but it’s the good kind of scary. It might be doing something you’ve never done before, but again, it feels right.

Aligned action is also when you take the time to feel into your next move. Because of my conscious awareness I no longer bumble along from one thing to the next. I think, ‘what does Kim want to do now?’ and then I feel for my next action. Sometimes I want a piece of chocolate and other times I feel pulled to do Yoga.

Rather than lining my day up with a structured to-do list, I flow from one activity to the next based on what feels like the next best thing to do. And yes, my work is included, too. I will write an article, email a customer/client, or make a phone call, all based on what feels right.

Of course, there are things I don’t want to do that I do, like admin work, booking doctor appointments, etc., but I get them out of the way and focus on feeling neutral about them.

So – these areas have helped me uncover more of my authentic self. What about you? I’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below!

The False Self: A Contrast

The false self is the opposite of authenticity. It’s the mask you wear to please others or to fit in. Sometimes, it’s easier to see our shadow side. When we do, let it be a flag that tells us it’s time to reconnect with our true self.

When you’re operating from your false self, you may:

• Judge yourself and others harshly: You compare yourself to others and feel like you’re not good enough.
• Be unsure of your values, passions, and strengths: You lack direction and purpose.
• Engage in self-hate: You criticize yourself and focus on your flaws.
• Have no boundaries: You say “yes” to everything, even when it drains you.
• Feel blocked emotionally: You suppress your feelings and avoid dealing with your pain.
• Adopt other people’s truths: You believe what others tell you about yourself, even if it doesn’t feel right.
• Rely too much on logic: You ignore your intuition and gut feelings.
• Operate from unconsciousness: You’re unaware of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
• Force actions that don’t feel right: You go against your instincts and do things you don’t want to do.

By recognizing these signs of the false self, you can start to make conscious choices to align with your true authentic self.

Remember, the journey to authenticity is ongoing. There will be setbacks and challenges, but with patience, self-compassion, and a willingness to explore, you’ll uncover the incredible being that you truly are.

What Are Your Thoughts?

Please leave them below.