Relationship Goals To Set – 8 Ways to Deepen Your Connection with Your Partner

Let’s talk about relationship goals to set – achieving that warm, fuzzy connection with your partner. We all want it. That deep, meaningful bond that withstands the test of time. But, like anything worthwhile, it takes effort and intentionality. So, grab your favorite drink, find a comfy spot, and let’s dive into the art of deepening your connection with your partner.

1. Quality Time Over Quantity

It’s not about the hours you spend together but the quality of those hours. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, emphasizes the importance of “turning towards” your partner during everyday moments. Think about it – the seemingly insignificant moments, like sharing a laugh over breakfast or holding hands during a walk, contribute significantly to the overall connection.

My husband, Simon, and I have a rule at our kitchen table that no devices are allowed. By setting this simple boundary, we are not tempted to go online. This small rule works for our relationship and the rest of the family when we’re all together.

We also intentionally turn towards each other by having weekly date dates with no devices, and we’re not allowed to talk about family (our daughter, parents, etc.) We discovered that we’d spend our date nights trying to solve family issues, which wasn’t very romantic!

2. The Power of Vulnerability

Brené Brown, a researcher on vulnerability, aptly states, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity.” Being open and honest about your feelings, fears, and dreams fosters a sense of intimacy. It’s like unlocking the door to your emotional world and inviting your partner in.

Over the past year, Simon and I have been working on defining our authentic selves.

Authentic self refers to your genuine nature, encouraging you to express your core identity and values without conforming to societal expectations. It involves self-awareness, self-acceptance, self-love and living in alignment with your true essence for increased fulfillment and happiness.

The process has forced us to be more vulnerable than ever. Sharing our feelings and fears has enabled us to support each other better or even push each other when needed. And our dreams are far more connected – yes, we want material items, but what’s more important is how we will feel individually and as a couple when we achieve those dreams.

3. Communicate, Don’t Just Talk

Communication is more than just exchanging words. It’s about truly understanding each other. Dr. Sue Johnson, founder of Emotionally Focused Therapy, emphasizes the importance of emotional attunement. Practice active listening and express your feelings in a way that makes your partner feel heard and valued.

Occasionally, Simon will tell me he understands where I’m coming from, but I’ll get the feeling he doesn’t. It’s a conditioned response for many men to project that they know all. When I feel that he’s not hearing me, I say, ‘Simon, are you getting what I’m saying?’ he will usually look at me and say, ‘No…I don’t have a clue.’

We both laugh, and the barriers drop.

4. Spice It Up – Keep the Romance Alive

Remember those butterflies in your stomach during the early days of your relationship? Recreate that excitement! Plan surprise dates, leave sweet notes, or express appreciation for the little things. Keep the flame alive by injecting spontaneity and romance into your daily lives.

I love spontaneity! It’s not uncommon for us to decide on a Friday to head to the coast for a weekend break or drive into the city for an appetizer crawl (we share one appetizer at each restaurant we can find. Our highest achievement thus far is four restaurants).

5. Tech-Free Time

In the age of smartphones and constant connectivity, unplugging and focusing on each other is crucial. Set aside dedicated time without distractions – no phones, no screens. It might feel strange initially, but this simple act can significantly enhance your connection.

Above, I mentioned that we don’t have devices at our kitchen table, nor do we use them when we’re on a date night. I know some couples don’t have a TV or any devices in the bedroom. Others have no-tech days.

Not hearing a ding, having your wrist vibrate, or your phone announcing ‘you’ve got mail’ can be so refreshing, especially when you’re having a meaningful conversation with your partner!

6. The Five Love Languages

Gary Chapman’s concept of the five love languages is a game-changer.

Gary Chapman, a renowned relationship counselor, introduced the concept of the five love languages in his bestselling book. He proposes that individuals have unique ways of expressing and receiving love, which he categorizes into five distinct languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.

Understanding and speaking your partner’s love language is crucial for building a strong and fulfilling relationship. For example, if your partner’s love language is Acts of Service, they might feel most loved when you help with chores or errands. Conversely, if their love language is Words of Affirmation, verbal compliments and expressions of appreciation would resonate more deeply with them. Recognizing and responding to each other’s love languages fosters emotional connection, strengthens bonds, and enhances overall relationship satisfaction.

Simon loves to be told he is loved and always wants a cuddle. I feel loved when he brings me my coffee in bed or makes me dinner. Knowing what makes your partner feel loved is easy, yet many couples need to learn. Here’s a link to the book if you want to check it out.

Get Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages on Amazon.com.

7. Adventure Together

Shared experiences create lasting memories and deepen your bond. Whether trying a new hobby, traveling to a new destination, or tackling a home project together, these shared adventures create a sense of togetherness.

In 2013, Simon and I purchased a 56′ sailboat in Europe, sailed around the Mediterranean, crossed the Atlantic Ocean, and spent loads of time in the US and Caribbean. It was one hell of an adventure and truly made our relationship what it is today.

We had to solve so many challenges together. We also enjoyed making hundreds/thousands of magical memories. Sailing might not be your thing, but what about an adventure vacation or starting a new hobby together?

Absolutely! Here are some ideas to inspire couples seeking an adventurous connection:

Here’s a brainstorm of adventures for you to consider to strengthen your relationship.

Physical Adventures:

• Hiking or Backpacking: Explore local trails, national parks, or embark on a multi-day trek.
• Rock Climbing or Bouldering: Indoor gyms offer a great introduction, while outdoor climbing is truly exhilarating.
• Kayaking or Canoeing: Paddle through calm lakes, scenic rivers, or even take on whitewater rapids.
• Surfing or Stand-Up Paddleboarding: Learn a new skill and ride the waves together.
• Mountain Biking or Cycling: Explore off-road trails or plan a scenic bike tour.
• Skiing or Snowboarding: Hit the slopes for a winter adventure.
• Scuba Diving or Snorkeling: Discover underwater worlds filled with vibrant marine life.

Mental and Creative Adventures:

• Escape Rooms: Test your problem-solving skills and teamwork.
• Geocaching: Use GPS coordinates to hunt for hidden treasures.
• Learn a New Skill Together: Take a cooking class, a dance lesson, or try a new sport.
• Plan a Themed Date Night: Dress up in costumes, visit a new museum, or attend a unique event.
• Road Trip: Explore new places, discover hidden gems, and create spontaneous memories.
• Volunteer Together: Contribute to a cause you both care about and make a difference.

Personal Growth Adventures:

• Couples Therapy or Retreats: Deepen your connection and learn new communication tools.
• Meditation or Yoga: Relax and recharge together.
• Set a Joint Goal: Train for a marathon, write a book, or start a business together.
• Travel to a New Culture: Immerse yourselves in a different way of life and expand your perspectives.

Remember, adventure is subjective. What’s thrilling for one couple might be relaxing for another. Choose activities that both of you will enjoy that align with your relationship goals.

8. Create a Couples Journal

A couple’s journal is like your shared diary, where you can jot down thoughts, feelings, and experiences together. Get creative with it – write, draw, or toss in little mementos. It’s not just about spilling your guts; it’s a fun way to connect!

So, why bother? Well, it’s a game-changer for talking things out. You both get to express what’s on your mind without interruptions. Plus, it’s like a secret club for just the two of you, making you feel closer and more connected.

Guess what? This journal isn’t just for happy stuff. It can be your go-to for sorting out disagreements, too. Share your side of things, read what your partner wrote, and voila – conflict resolution made cooler.

But that’s not all! This journal becomes a treasure trove of your journey together. From sweet memories to significant milestones, it’s your shared history. And the best part? It’s a tool for personal growth. Reflect on your thoughts, learn from each other, and watch yourselves grow together.

Oh, and don’t forget the fun part – set goals together! Whether they’re relationship dreams or personal achievements, your couple’s journal is the perfect place to plan and track them.

Pick a style that suits you – maybe a cute physical journal, a shared digital document, or an app for lovebirds. Keep it consistent and real, and let the journaling adventure begin!

Moving Forward

Now that we’ve explored some key elements, it’s time to take action. Start small – perhaps with a heartfelt conversation or a surprise gesture. Reflect on what makes your connection unique and work towards enhancing those aspects. Remember, it’s a journey, not a destination.

As Maya Angelou wisely said, “Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.”

So, let’s embark on this journey of love and connection together. Your relationship deserves the effort, and the rewards are boundless. Cheers to deepening connections and building a love that lasts!

Please comment below on anything that has worked for you and your partner. And if you have any questions, ask them too!